Fitting rooms... I loath them. The lighting is always horrible, the mirrors I swear are the kinds you would see in a fun house, and the rooms are so small I start to get claustrophobic. Every time I bring in a pile of clothes into the room, my first instinctive thought is "These are never going to fit me, why am I even bothering." I have had such a bad relationship with myself that I have ingrained into my brain that nothing ever fits. We look into the mirror and when we don't see what society has deemed as perfect, we start to beat ourselves up by saying horrible things. Fat, ugly, thunder thighs, cow stomach, stretch marks, cellulite, saggy skin, bat wings, muffin top, cankles... the list goes on. When we are looking into the mirror saying these horrible things to ourselves day after day we start to believe it.
Lucky for me my job requires a uniform that they provide, so no need to be fancy there. If I am not at work, I am at Farrell's or at home and I wear workout pants and a t-shirt (I'm really a great catch). All of the other normal clothing I own like jeans and dresses just don't fit...they are either too big, too small, or very outdated.
Recently I have had three occasions where yoga pants and a superhero t-shirt were not going to cut it. I had to face my anxiety and fear and go shopping somewhere other than Wal-Mart. Maybe it's because since having my son, (who is now four years old) that I just lost interest in dressing up and wearing real clothes. I'm going to blame it on the inventors of yoga/work-out pants, because once you try on a pair of really comfy, soft, stretchy yoga pants you can never go back to jeans. Ever. Either way, I have lost the art of putting together a complete outfit. Where are Stacy and Clinton from What Not to Wear when you need them? They are amazing stylists who can make any girl (or guy) of any size or shape, feel like a million bucks.
I put my big girl pants on and faced the shopping centers and the fitting rooms. Now that I have lost over 30 pounds, I honestly didn't even know what size I was. As I walked into these shops I instantly felt like everyone was watching me and judging me. I felt as if they were thinking "Why is she even in this store? She looks like she belongs in a barn. She will never fit into anything in this store she is way too big for these clothes. She is clueless and awkward..." Of course this was all in my head. Nobody even looked my way, and a few of the clerks even helped me pick out some things to try on. My point is, here is another instance where when we don't feel like we fit this idea of perfection, we (or maybe it's just me) start to have all of these irrational fears and thoughts of what everyone else will think or say.
So here are some things I have recently learned when shopping
(I'm still working on some of these myself)
1) Have an idea of what you are going to be shopping for. What occasion is it for, and will it be appropriate for that occasion. When I was trying on dresses for a wedding we had to attend, I tried on about 8 dresses. The one I instantly liked was a long cheetah print dress... however my husband brought me back to reality. "Do not get the cheetah print one, this is a wedding, and you are not from Jersey" he said. So even though I really thought that was the dress for me, I had to keep looking for something more appropriate.
2) Don't let the size number on the clothing item have control of who you are. Every store is different and all size 12's are not made the same, just like all size Mediums are not made the same. The type of fabric, cut, and manufacture will all play a factor into how the clothing fits. This is why most of us dread trying on clothes. That stupid number on the back of my pants can flip my emotional meter into a frenzy in a matter of seconds. When you try something on that doesn't fit and it is the "size" you think you should fit in, it damages you mentally. That's when we start to critique ourselves and say those horrible things about our bodies (see first paragraph)
3) To avoid this problem, I take 3 sizes of whatever clothing item I want to buy into the fitting room. Small, Medium, Large....10, 12, 14...etc. Then I choose whichever one truly fits my body. I just bought two pairs of shorts the other day. One was a size 12, and one was a size 14. I don't care what the tag says all I know is they fit, they don't give me muffin top, and they don't squish my thighs out the bottom like sausages. I haven't worn shorts in over a year, so needless to say I was so excited. I actually felt good in the shorts. Instead of saying something negative about my body, I looked into the mirror and said, " Girl look at those quad muscles starting to come in".
4) This brings me to my final tip. Let's build a better positive body image of ourselves. Our bodies are like a canvas, they show the story of our life. Most of us all have things we want to work on, or things that we wish we could change about our bodies, but we need to embrace what we have. My stomach looks like a baby tiger attacked it, and I only had one child. I have had stretch marks on my thighs since middle school. My chest is non existent now since I have lost weight, bye bye boobies! That's OK though. This is my journey and I am still working on my final product.
Even as I write this, I think about it being summer and how I have yet to get into my swimsuit. That is definitely out of my comfort zone. See what I mean, I'm working on this positive thinking thing too. This week was getting into shorts, and that was a big deal for me. I don't know if I see a swimsuit in the near future, but I will take baby steps and start saying nicer things to myself. I encourage all of you to get into a positive mind frame.
Keep Inspiring ~Shauna~
