Me? Competitve?...Nah!!! ok! Yeah!!!!

                               

Its true! You really are your biggest competition! My most satisfying "win's" against my biggest competition have been the those accomplishments I told MYSELF over and over that I COULDN'T do and then DID!!!

I have debated doing this post for quite sometime, but my fellow "Inspiring Journey" blogger finally convinced me that since we were coming of another 10 week competition now might be a good time.  So here it goes.  Here it goes at the risk of sounding like the biggest, brattiest baby.  But before I go to much further let me start by saying, YES I am major competitive.  Not sure why or how.  It has been a good thing and thing.  It has made people absolutely hate me and it has inspired others.  I guess its all in how you take it.  But please know that just because I am competitive I also have huge heart and feelings and genuinely care about people.  Especially the people I find myself in competition with! In my head, at the moment, I may want to squash them like a bug but in all actuality I am thankful that they too see me as competition and are giving me a run for my money :)

                       

Ok, with that said he comes my bratty story.  And how being competitive not only just about ruined everything, but also might have saved me as well...(but this is part of my "inspiring journey" right?)

So at the gym both Shauna and I go to they have a 10 week body transformation competition.  Whoever does the most transforming in that 10 week session wins $1000.  So, when I joined Farrell's THIS was my goal.  Yeah yeah yeah, I was going to lose weight, I was going to change the way I eat, hey and I might gain a little muscle, but I WAS GOING TO WIN THIS!! And for me it wasn't so much about the money, as much as it was about having the "title" and having the "title" in a fitness competition of all thing!! So, during my 10 weeks I became VERY close friends some of my 10 week team.  At the end I genuinely just wanted someone from our "group" to win. (I honestly thought one of the three guys had the best chance of all of us). When we arrived at the "winner announcement" party and pictures were handed out mine looked ok, and just about as good as anyone elses, or so I thought.  So time came and the announced the top 3.  Ladies and Gentlemen, my name WAS NOT called!  WHAT??!! I didn't even make top 3!!  Yep, it was true.  But my friend Shauna DID win and honestly at that moment I was beyond happy for her.  I was beyond happy that someone from out "group" had won!  I jumped and screamed and clapped and hugged and then.... bratty, competitive Jenni reared her ugly head!!!

Ok, so lets back up a bit. 


When I started this 10 weeks my goal was to win.  I knew the only way that I was going to be able to do that is if I did EVERYTHING I could.  I needed to eat right EVERY day.  I needed to workout EVERY day and not just show up at the gym, BUT give the gym my highest level.  That was what I was going to do.  That was how I was going to win this competition.  If I didn't win this competition at least I knew that I gave it my very all that I made every sacrifice I could have made.  So this is what I did.  I showed up EVERY day.  I worked hard EVERY day.  On the one day the gym was closed, I worked out that day too.  I kept my nutrition on point and only took 3 cheat MEALS during the whole 10 weeks.   I worked so hard.  So come announcement night, when my name wasn't even called (along with 100+ other names of people who worked their tails off) for the top 3 my spirit was broken a little.  I did have someone come up and say to me "you were in the top 5" And while I smiled politely and thanked them inside I was saying "Yeah, well what does top 5 get ya...a big fat NOTHING"  It wasn't until a couple weeks later when my head cleared that I realized what being top 5 did get me! (I'll get to that in a bit)



I went to work the next day in tears.  How could this happen?  I worked my butt off.  So what did I do.  Exactly what my biggest competition (ME!) wanted me to do.  I threw a hissy fit.  I ate anything and AND a piece of cake FROM my work cafeteria.  Yes, I continued to attend Farrell's everyday, but not giving my workout my highest lever for sure.  Plus, I'd walk by Shauna's picture everyday with the thankful thought I didn't have a sharpie to draw a mustache and horns on her pictures. I'd roll my eyes at the mention of "There's a $1000 winner in the house" ugh it was killing me (and honestly, it probably was), Then one day my good friend Shanon sent me the sweetest text and snapped me out of it.  (not sure what I'd do without that girl) I realized this had NOTHING to do with Shauna, this had NOTHING to do with Farrell's it was about me and I was RUINING all my work that I had done in the last 10 weeks by being the biggest brat.  I HAD to snap out of it!

                
                              
                        
 My competition with myself was NOT over.  Yes, the Farrell's competition was done, but I still had/have a lot of work left to do.  And my competition constantly tells me that I will not win.  OH YES I WILL!!!!! 

So what did coming in the top 5 give me?  Way more than I will ever be able to explain in words.  it gave me the ability to chose foods that are good for my body. (by the way, after eating the crap I did for the week I was being a brat I ended up getting very sick and I am pretty sure it was all because of the nasty foods I chose to eat.  I didn't eat anything that would have helped my body fight off the nasty sinus infection I ended up with) During my 10 weeks (I think week 5) I went below 200lbs for the first time in 12 years.  I fit into a pair of jeans I had been holding onto for over 15 years.  I caught my husband staring a little bit longer than he had in a long time.  I held my head higher.  I felt better.  I could move better.  I could play with my kids easier. I made some of my best friends in that 10 weeks.  This is what coming in the top 5 has given me.  Sometimes I think, how dare I even want more than that but the competitive part of me thinks I bet there is more than that.... push yourself and lets see!!!

Competition in good.  Don't let it ruin you.  Let it drive you.  Let it push you. Let it be the reason you don't give up, not this time!!!

Shauna's Thoughts: Fitting Rooms

Fitting rooms... I loath them.  The lighting is always horrible, the mirrors I swear are the kinds you would see in a fun house, and the rooms are so small I start to get claustrophobic. Every time I bring in a pile of clothes into the room, my first instinctive thought is "These are never going to fit me, why am I even bothering."  I have had such a bad relationship with myself that I have ingrained into my brain that nothing ever fits.  We look into the mirror and when we don't see what society has deemed as perfect, we start to beat ourselves up by saying horrible things. Fat, ugly, thunder thighs, cow stomach, stretch marks, cellulite, saggy skin, bat wings, muffin top, cankles... the list goes on.  When we are looking into the mirror saying these horrible things to ourselves day after day we start to believe it.


Lucky for me my job requires a uniform that they provide, so no need to be fancy there. If I am not at work, I am at Farrell's or at home and I wear workout pants and a t-shirt (I'm really a great catch). All of the other normal clothing I own like jeans and dresses just don't fit...they are either too big, too small, or  very outdated.

Recently I have had three occasions where yoga pants and a superhero t-shirt were not going to cut it.   I had to face my anxiety and fear and go shopping somewhere other than Wal-Mart.  Maybe it's because since having my son, (who is now four years old) that I just lost interest in dressing up and wearing real clothes. I'm going to blame it on the inventors of yoga/work-out pants, because once you try on a pair of really comfy, soft,  stretchy yoga pants you can never go back to jeans. Ever.  Either way, I have lost the art of putting together a complete outfit. Where are Stacy and Clinton from What Not to Wear when you need them?  They are amazing stylists who can make any girl (or guy) of any size or shape, feel like a million bucks.



I put my big girl pants on and faced the shopping centers and the fitting rooms.  Now that I have lost over 30 pounds, I honestly didn't even know what size I was.  As I walked into these shops I instantly felt like everyone was watching me and judging me.  I felt as if they were thinking "Why is she even in this store? She looks like she belongs in a barn.  She will never fit into anything in this store she is way too big for these clothes. She is clueless and awkward..."  Of course this was all in my head.  Nobody even looked my way, and a few of the clerks even helped me pick out some things to try on.  My point is, here is another instance where when we don't feel like we fit this idea of perfection, we (or maybe it's just me) start to have all of these irrational fears and thoughts of what everyone else will think or say.

So here are some things I have recently learned when shopping

 (I'm still working on some of these myself)

1) Have an idea of what you are going to be shopping for.  What occasion is it for, and will it be appropriate for that occasion.  When I was trying on dresses for a wedding we had to attend, I tried on about 8 dresses.  The one I instantly liked was a long cheetah print dress... however my husband brought me back to reality.  "Do not get the cheetah print one, this is a wedding, and you are not from Jersey" he said.  So even though I really thought that was the dress for me, I had to keep looking for something more appropriate.

2) Don't let the size number on the clothing item have control of who you are.  Every store is different and all size 12's are not made the same, just like all size Mediums are not  made the same.  The type of fabric, cut, and manufacture will all play a factor into how the clothing fits. This is why most of us dread trying on clothes.  That stupid number on the back of my pants can flip my emotional meter into a frenzy in a matter of seconds.  When you try something on that doesn't fit and it is the "size" you think you should fit in, it damages you mentally.  That's when we start to critique ourselves and say those horrible things about our bodies (see first paragraph)

3) To avoid this problem, I take 3 sizes of whatever clothing item I want to buy into the fitting room.  Small, Medium, Large....10, 12, 14...etc.  Then I choose whichever one truly fits my body.  I just bought two pairs of shorts the other day.  One was a size 12, and one was a size 14.  I don't care what the tag says all I know is they fit, they don't give me muffin top, and they don't squish my thighs out the bottom like sausages.  I haven't worn shorts in over a year, so needless to say I was so excited. I actually felt good in the shorts.  Instead of saying something negative about my body, I looked into the mirror and said, " Girl look at those quad muscles starting to come in".

4) This brings me to my final tip.  Let's build a better positive body image of ourselves.  Our bodies are like a canvas, they show the story of our life. Most of us all have things we want to work on, or things that we wish we could change about our bodies, but we need to embrace what we have.  My stomach looks like a baby tiger attacked it, and I only had one child.  I have had stretch marks on my thighs since middle school. My chest is non existent now since I have lost weight, bye bye boobies! That's OK though.  This is my journey and I am still working on my final product.

Even as I write this, I think about it being summer and how I have yet to get into my swimsuit.  That is definitely out of my comfort zone.  See what I mean, I'm working on this positive thinking thing too.  This week was getting into shorts, and that was a big deal for me.  I don't know if I see a swimsuit in the near future, but I will take baby steps and start saying nicer things to myself.  I encourage all of you to get into a positive mind frame.

Keep Inspiring ~Shauna~

Shauna's Thoughts: Back To Basics

May has turned out to be a very crazy month for myself. First my Grandmother went into the hospital and I am really the only one here to help visit and bring her clothes and necessities she may need.  Then my husband and I made the decision to move into my Grandma's house in order to prepare her home for her return.  She will also need assistance once she is finally release. Trying to plan and execute my sons 4th birthday party, and try to settle him into the new house. Plus trying to balance my work and Farrell's schedules around all of this has really put my nutrition into a bit a jumble. My weigh-ins at Max Muscle have still been really good even in the chaos, but I know that my nutrition is starting to slip. I have been down this road too many times before, and I don't plan to continue going toward this dark path. So, as life is starting to settle back into normalcy, I am grabbing my ticket to getting back to basics. NUTRITION will be the key!  You can spend hours exercising and working out, but if you don't have your nutrition locked down you will never make progress.

Everyone has bad days, that turn into bad weekends, that turn into bad weeks, or even possibly turn into bad months.  That's life and it happens. We can't beat ourselves up for being human. What we can do is think about how far we have come and get back on track. I'll say it again,  let's get back to basics.  Write down your goals for the next month, break it down into weeks if that helps. Post it somewhere you will see it everyday. Plan your meals for the day or better yet the week! Water water water...this is something I have not been doing enough of. Grab a friend to workout with, friends that sweat together stay together.  Now that it is getting nicer outside get off the couch and do something fun outside with the family!  Do not let one bad meal, one bad weekend, or even one bad week keep you down. You have come to far to let something so tiny smolder your flame. 

Last weeks goals!

So, who is with me? I challenge everyone to write down their goals for the next month. They don't need to be crazy goals, make the goals something you can achieve in a month. Then you won't feel pressured or discouraged and give up.  Some examples could be: Drinking at least 80oz of water a day. Cut back alcohol to one drink a week (better yet no alcohol for 30 days).  Same for soda. Do you have a sweet tooth? Use fruits to satisfy your cravings.  Be dedicated to using your food log... You get the point.  These small little changes  will make a big impact over time!  Make posters, collages, or keep a journal for inspiration. I finally had a few minutes last night to catch up on my Fitness Smash Book.  It helped me gain some much needed motivation by looking at all the progress I have already made.  So remember, if you slipped up or fell off the wagon and you're looking for a sign to get back on track....THIS IS IT! This is your sign.  I will not let you fail, you can do anything you put your mind to. How bad do you want it?

Keep Inspiring  ~Shauna~